A Fatal Friendship

It is a well known truth that we are significantly shaped by the companions we keep—either for good or for harm. We may like to think of ourselves as influencers, but we are also people who can be easily influenced. The pressures of the relationships we enter into will undoubtedly have a hand in shaping our own thoughts, values, and beliefs. It is for this reason that Proverbs 13:20 warn us to be thoughtful about the people we choose to spend our time with saying,

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,
but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

Poorly chosen friendships are a catalyst to disasters of many kinds. One example of this comes to us in II Samuel 13 where we read about David’s son Amnon. Now, before any “friendships” even enter the picture, we are told that Amnon was already struggling with strong temptations. He was full of sexual lust, and of a most vile sort. But as yet, Amnon’s lust was impotent; he had no way to carry it out, no way to fulfill the evil he desired. In fact, the text tells us that “it seemed impossible to Amnon” to accomplish the sin he desired, (II Samuel 13:2). This description is especially important to notice. It indicates that, if left alone, Amnon would very likely have continued to face this sinful temptation for a time, but having no way to act it out, eventually the temptation would have subsided and he would have moved on with his life. But that is not what happened and the very next words in the text tells us exactly why:

“But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab...And Jonadab was a very crafty man.” (II Sam. 13:3).

This was a fatal friendship whose influence would lead to devastating effects. The text goes on to tell us that what formerly “seemed impossible to Amnon” was no great riddle to Jonadab. Being “a very crafty man”—that is, a man skilled in accomplishing wickedness—Jonadab provided Amnon with a “crafty” plan for how he could obtain the satisfaction of his illicit sexual desires. And having been influenced by his “friend” for the worse, Amnon went on to execute this plan to perfection by deceiving his father (v6), dismissing his servants (v9), and then raping his half-sister (v14). It is a tragic story that should fill our hearts with righteous anger and grief.

But it is precisely at the moment that we want to turn away from this story that we need to pay closer attention. This wicked behavior by Amnon did not come out of nowhere. What brought the evil of Amnon’s heart to a greater external expression was the influence of the person whom he called his “friend”.

It is worth stopping to think: What if Amnon had kept friendships with godly companions instead? What would they have said when he told them about his secret lust? They would have told him that such a thing is evil and must not be done; they would have discouraged him from entertaining such thoughts any longer; they would have confronted him and done all that they could to keep him from indulging in such devilish things. But instead, Amnon kept company with “outrageous fools” like Jonadab and thereby became an “outrageous fool” himself, (II Samuel 13:13).

Moreover, Amnon’s sin did not only result in the sexual abuse of his half-sister—not that I am saying this is a small matter in any respect. Nevertheless, if we read the rest of the story we soon learn that Amnon’s sin also resulted in the ruin of his own life, the ruin of his brother Absalom’s life, a tragic bereavement for King David who effectively lost two sons that day, and ultimately this wicked action became part of the seedbed for the future division of the entire nation.

You may be thinking just now, “Well, surely that is an exceptional case. It is not as though this sort of thing still happens today.” But is this an exceptional case? How many marriages have ended in adultery because of fatal friendships? How many prison cells are filled with sons and daughters because of fatal friendships? How many middle school students and high school students are right now making decisions that will affect the rest of their earthly lives because of fatal friendships? How many “Amnon’s” will take the sinister advice of their ‘friend’ “Jonadab” this very day?

Dear ones, the lesson I intend to draw out for us from this text is simple: We must be careful of the company we choose to keep. It is not a matter of ‘if’ our companions will influence us but rather ‘how’ they will influence us—either for the better or for the worse. And for those of us who are parents, we must exercise our loving influence and authority over the company we allow our children to keep as well. As we saw in our text, Amnon was already struggling with sin all by himself (II Sam. 13:1-2). He did not need a “friend” for that to be true. But because the “friend” he chose was a wicked influence, take careful note of what happened. Jonadab’s influence on Amnon gave greater strength to the wicked desires already present in Amnon’s heart. This fatal friendship fanned sin into flame by increasing its persuasion and power in the heart. The same will be true for you and for your children.

As the Apostle Paul has said,

“Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals,” (I Cor. 15:33).

Therefore, let us heed the counsel of God’s holy Word. We must be careful of the company that we keep. We must strive to surround ourselves with those who will point our souls to the Lord and remind us of the truth. May God grant us the grace to seek out faithful friends who encourage us to flourish in Christ, rather than fatal friends who will only lead us to rebellion and ruin.